Confidential by Ellie Monago

Author:Ellie Monago [Monago, Ellie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-03-04T16:00:00+00:00

CHAPTER 40

LUCINDA

Since Dr. Baylor—Michael—held me in his office, things had moved so quickly that I almost couldn’t believe it was real, that I’d made it happen. Was it really just two weeks ago that I’d shown up there, and he’d seemed so somber when he said we needed to talk, and I thought, Oh no, this is it, no more pro bono, no more anything, I’m too fucked up to be his client even, let alone what I want to be to him, and instead . . . ?

Instead, we’d talked about the new rules. Vegas rules. What happened in session stayed in session, where he was still Dr. Baylor and he behaved entirely professionally. His domain was my psyche only. We were back to one session a week again, so I wouldn’t become “overwhelmed.” Then, late at night, we could have this other relationship, which was also therapeutic but carnal. “Have you ever heard of sex surrogates?” he asked. I said I hadn’t. He explained that they helped people take charge of their sexuality as a way to heal emotionally.

On Wednesdays, therapy proceeded as usual. It was almost like he was two different people: responsible therapist by day (well, early evening) and lover at night. He changed the lighting, added scented candles, and voilà. I wouldn’t have thought a few sensory cues could do that much heavy lifting, and yet, oddly, they did. He flipped a switch, lit a candle, and transformed from Dr. Baylor into Michael, though even as my lover, he was still concerned with my therapeutic goals. He wanted me to own my power in all arenas, including sexual, so I could realize how wonderful I was.

He didn’t just tell me, though; he showed me. To a casual observer, it would seem illicit, but it was actually beautiful. I was learning that sex wasn’t about one person being in charge. Love was sharing power and control, passing it back and forth.

Not that we used the word love. We didn’t talk about anything other than what we were doing and feeling in that moment: what we wanted, what we were willing to give. We didn’t need to label it or promise a future. Whether that was because it was so obvious to him that we’d have one or because it was obvious we wouldn’t, I didn’t actually know. For the moment, I didn’t need to know, and that in itself was revelatory. I was simply experiencing, and enjoying, and growing. Each time, I grew. I became more myself.

I’d only been with Adam before, and this was so different. But then, Adam and I had barely consummated. Almost every night for the past ten days, Michael and I had been consummating, and consecrating, everywhere in his office.

Sometimes it was tender, sometimes wild, but it was always, always amazing. Otherworldly. I hadn’t known what I was missing, which made sense. Since Adam, I’d steered clear of all entanglements.

I was entangled now, all right.

Rules defined the boundaries, and Michael was a big believer in boundaries.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.